Hello and Happy New Year, a little late, I know. I’ve been absent, living in the real world as oppose to the virtual one.
Last week was our first full week back to school and activities. The structure has been nice, but not necessarily easier. We were in a nice, peaceful funk over the holidays with no where to be and no schedule to follow. Most nights ended like this, peaceful.
I often wonder at the fact that as a stay at home mom I went from being completely consumed with a newborn, to a slightly lonely and bored mother of toddlers, to finding just the right balance of socialization with preschoolers, to an over scheduled chicken with its head cut off, mother of three.
I also wonder how I had so much time to blog, before, but can’t seem to find any time, lately. If anything, I should have more time (save for the move) since two of my children are at school all day, but right now, it’s not working out that way.
It’s a New Year, which always leaving me feel optimistic, though, truthfully, I’m an eternal optimist. I haven’t made any specific resolutions, but feel the need to make changes in the areas that I am consumed with the most, the greatest being organization, cleaning, and parenting (Second Son), and I’ve been cruising the blogosphere for inspiration and ideas.
If you’ve read my blog, before, my ongoing effort at tidiness is nothing new (which also makes me wonder if I’m also becoming a big bore). But my issues are my issues, they don’t seem to change that much, parenting, cleaning, my house, making my life more peaceful, purposeful, happier. These are the things I search for online, these are the stories that I like to read, and to a certain extent, the things I like to write about.
As I wrestle with this house of mine, I’ve been consumed with house blogs, especially Houzz, whose weekly email has become my Sunday morning indulgence. There’s so much that I would like to do to my house, starting with just finding a layout that works for me, that it becomes frustrating, until I remind myself that it took almost six years to really get my last house to the point where I loved it, and I still had little issues that plagued me daily (like the 1980’s railing in the dining room/living room).
This house has only been my obsession for a short time. Patience.
But there are times when my constant obsession with my house seems a little self indulgent, especially when there are people in the world, who would be a happy to own any square footage, and that’s when I start to wonder if I’m not only boring, but petty.
I love to write. I love to write about my family and our lives. For most of my life I kept a journal, but blogging is not like journaling for me. What I would reveal in a journal would never be what I would reveal on a blog, and I once remarked, after rereading my journals, that if someone ever read them, they would get the impression that I was a miserable human being, which in fact, I am not not. It’s just that’s where I turned when something was wrong.
Blogging is more like scap booking for me, even though I didn’t really intend for it to turn out that way. But the truth is, I like my little blog, it’s my edited version of our life. I pick and choose what to keep and what to throw out. But when my blog becomes a running account of our lives, it starts to feel boring, and not to be repetitive, but self indulgent and so, sometimes, I wonder if it is worth all the effort, because it does take a lot of effort.
I would like to think there is a balance somewhere. I wonder if the answer isn’t in another blog, where I write about issues that are more relevant than where the hell am I going to put my kitchen table, and how can I make the kids space more welcoming. I’ve been thinking about that balance, lately, the same way I’ve been thinking about hanging up a chore chart for my children. The idea is there, it’s needed, it’s just a matter of putting it in motion.
In the meantime, I’ll do my best to keep up on our lives and continue writing (and somehow manage to get this house in order) until I figure out the rest.